Woke up at 4am with a bad emotion attached. Yesterday was a holiday, and so is today. I’m not supposed to feel exhausted. Physically, I’ve had enough rest after Bandung #PERSONAL_NOTES. Weird.
What’s all these? I think this #PERSONAL_NOTES Vocal Recital has given a latent exhausted feeling. Been doing this and that alone (with Didut). Start with choosing programs (songs), concert concepts, venue, posters, designing dresses, publications (online and offline), all those endless rehearsals both in Bandung and Jakarta, individual improvements, finding people to help on the D-day, while I need to keep working by running here and there, to make sure that the money still flows, since it’s not a profitable project.
With all those sacrifices, day by day I found less and less appreciation from people around me. Hey, not blaming anybody for not liking this kind of music. It’s just the fact that people have less interest with my kind of music is giving me a little disappointment. Hearing these from close people, “Sori, Bi. It’s not my kind of music,” or “Yah, teryata berbarengan dengan konsernya si Anu (artis terkenal),” ato “Ntar deh ya pas hari H belinya, mudah2an bisa dateng” (which might be just another way of rejection), “I’m working,” “Yah, lagi bokek” (Got any idea how 50rb is too expensive for 2 x 40 mnts live performance being prepared for moths and a life-time learning?) or even got no response from people hearing about the Resital. You got choices, people. It’s just that you’re not that into my music. Admit it.
All those different ways of rejections. All those energy I’ve spend. I think it’s normal for me (or anybody!) to feel exhausted sometimes, isn’t it? No worries. I’m still doing this. Can’t please everybody. I’ll do my best to ‘some’ people who decided to hear us, Obi and Didut. Thank you people who decided to give us a chance for making you appreciating our music. We don’t do this for money, as you can see how much money we’ve spent. We just need our music to be loved, that’s why we’ve been working so hard to give our best, both in quality and packaging.
I hope all these sacrifices are worth something in the end. Amen.